Understanding Dissociation: Reconnecting with Your Emotions After Trauma
For many over-functioning, people-pleasing women who have experienced trauma, one of the most challenging parts of healing is understanding why you feel disconnected from your emotions—or, sometimes, why you don't feel much at all. Dissociation is a common response to trauma, and it can leave you feeling numb, detached, or like you're simply going through the motions of life. For women who have always strived to meet others' expectations and push themselves to excel, dissociation can make it particularly difficult to connect with their true emotions and understand what they need. In this blog post, we’ll explore what dissociation is, how it affects emotional connection, and what you can do to start reconnecting with your emotions and move toward healing.
What is Dissociation?
Dissociation is a natural response to overwhelming experiences. When trauma occurs, the brain sometimes copes by "shutting down" emotional responses to protect you from feeling the full impact of the pain or fear. Dissociation can manifest in different ways: you might feel like you're disconnected from your body, like you're watching yourself from the outside, or as if you're emotionally numb. While this response may have helped you survive at the time of the trauma, it can become a persistent and unhelpful pattern that keeps you from fully engaging with your life and understanding your own needs.
Signs of Dissociation:
Emotional Numbness: You may have trouble feeling emotions, both positive and negative. You may find it difficult to experience joy, sadness, anger, or love.
Feeling Detached from Yourself or Your Surroundings: You might feel like you're on "autopilot" or as though you're observing your life from a distance.
Memory Gaps or Difficulty Recalling Events: Dissociation can sometimes cause difficulty in remembering specific details of your past, including important moments.
Struggle to Connect with Others: Dissociation can create emotional distance, making it hard to connect deeply with loved ones or feel present during social interactions.
For over-functioning, people-pleasing women, dissociation can also mean a disconnect from their genuine feelings. They may continue to meet everyone else’s needs without realizing just how exhausted or unfulfilled they are, or they might have difficulty recognizing and expressing their own desires and boundaries.
Why Dissociation Happens After Trauma:
Dissociation is often rooted in the brain’s response to danger. When faced with a traumatic event, the brain activates the "fight, flight, or freeze" response to protect you from harm. In some cases, dissociation is a form of "freezing"—a survival mechanism that helps you endure an overwhelming situation by distancing yourself from it emotionally. This response can become ingrained, leading to ongoing detachment from emotions long after the traumatic event has passed.
For over-functioning women, trauma may be tied to childhood experiences of not feeling "good enough" or constantly striving for approval. Dissociation may have helped protect them from the deep pain of feeling unworthy or from the overwhelming stress of always trying to please others. However, this protective barrier eventually limits their ability to connect with their true selves and experience the full range of emotions.
How to Reconnect with Your Emotions:
Seek Support from a Trauma-Informed Therapist: Therapy can be an essential part of healing from dissociation. A trauma-informed therapist can help you explore your emotions safely and provide tools for processing what comes up. Techniques like Brainspotting, EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), or somatic therapy can be especially helpful in addressing dissociation by working directly with both the mind and the body to heal trauma.
Practice Grounding Techniques: Grounding exercises can help you stay present in your body and reconnect with the present moment. Activities such as deep breathing, naming objects around you, or focusing on physical sensations (like holding an ice cube or feeling the texture of a soft blanket) can help bring you back to the "here and now" when you feel yourself disconnecting.
Engage in Self-Compassionate Expression: For women who often put others first, reconnecting with your emotions involves giving yourself permission to express your own needs and desires. Whether it’s through journaling, drawing, or simply talking out loud to yourself, allow yourself to express whatever you feel without judgment or fear of not being "enough."
Connect Through Movement: Physical movement can also help bridge the gap between your mind and body, making it easier to access your emotions. Activities like dancing, yoga, or even taking a walk can help release tension and reconnect you with your physical sensations, which can, in turn, help you reconnect emotionally.
Acknowledge Your Experience Without Judgment: The first step in healing from dissociation is acknowledging that it’s happening—and that it’s a normal response to trauma. There’s nothing "wrong" with you for feeling disconnected; your brain was trying to protect you. Giving yourself permission to accept this without self-judgment is an important step toward reconnecting with your emotions.
Use Journaling to Explore Your Emotions: Writing about your thoughts and feelings can help you gradually reconnect with emotions that may feel distant. Journaling without worrying about structure or perfection—just letting the words flow—can give you insight into what you’re feeling and why.
Dissociation can be a challenging response to understand, especially when it leaves you feeling numb and disconnected from the world around you. However, it's important to remember that dissociation was a coping mechanism that once helped protect you, and it’s possible to move beyond it. By practicing grounding techniques, expressing yourself compassionately, connecting through movement, and seeking support, you can begin to reconnect with your emotions and experience life more fully. Healing from trauma is a journey, but with time and support, you can learn to feel deeply again—both in your relationships and in your everyday life. Remember, you deserve to feel connected, alive, and present in every moment.
